Bree Winkler is a Licensed Professional Counselor and owner of Private Counseling LLC in Peachtree Corners, GA. Contact Bree for a FREE phone consultation.
Anger: Is this emotion controlling your life?!?
If a person knows they become angry easily or quickly or react poorly to anger, then that is Step #1. If that same person doesn’t move onto Step #2 (management), then that person is just angry. Unresolved anger causes many physical, emotional, and relationship issues. Research shows that anger can make your body tense, raise blood pressure, cause headaches, and/or create stomach and digestive issues. In addition, emotionally anger can linger and change a person’s mindset and beliefs in a negative manner. Finally, personal relationships suffer when an individual is moody, mean, quick to anger, slow to forgive, and/or poor at communication due to emotional pain.
Emotions, including anger, are normal! Emotions are necessary to let our brains and body know how we feel about something, so we can connect with others, to protect us with the fight or flight mechanism.
The goal is not to prevent anger (that is not normal).
Instead, the goal is to manage your response to angry feelings.
A man is walking down the street. Walking towards him is a woman of a different race. No one else is on the street. The woman clutches her purse and crosses the street. The man becomes angry because he believes she is afraid of him due to his race or gender; he didn’t do anything wrong!
Feeling (hurt + disappointment + disgust) = completely appropriate emotional reaction
Response (action response to feeling) =
Inappropriate: The man yells, “Hey lady! I wasn’t going to hurt you! What is
Appropriate: The man sighs to himself and assesses his feelings. He decides this
situation makes him a “3” on the “Anger Meter.” He is frustrated.
He says to himself, “It sucks when I am judged by things I can’t
control. It is not this woman’s fault that she is afraid based on
stereotypes. She is being extra cautious, perhaps because she has
had bad experiences in the past. This will not ruin my day.”
Anger is not an emotion to be afraid of! Anger isn’t an emotion you should feel guilty about. Anger is an emotion that should be managed to prevent negative or inappropriate reactions.
Meaning: feelings = okay; however, reactions = must be managed appropriately
Marriage is sacred. It is a commitment; a vow before God (and family and friends). It is supposed to be forever (at least until death-do-you-part). Love – Is amazing glue that holds relationships together. No relationship is perfect; therefore, all relationships take work.
What happens when the relationship isn’t what you expected, hoped for, planned for, desired?
Solution: You have 2 options.
1) Take the hard road and fight for the marriage, for the relationship, for the future.
2) Take the even harder road and file for divorce, so you can stop hurting yourself and your partner, while also making effort to find yourself, your passion, and reach your goals?
There is no easy answer. There is no obvious answer. The answer is deeply personal and unique. Here are some tips and suggestions to help you make the best decision for you (and your family):
Pros of Staying Together:
Pros of Divorce:
Advice: DON’T BE STAGNATE!!! Make healthy changes: either FIX your marriage or DIVORCE.
Doing nothing should not be an option; that is the absence of decision making. Be proactive. Do what is best for you based on all the available information.
Bree Winkler is a Licensed Professional Counselor near Atlanta, GA. Bree specializes in premarital and marriage counseling, as well as working with individuals dealing with anxiety, depression, and anger issues.
By Bree Winkler LPC
Change is often viewed as scary, uncomfortable, and/or anxiety-provoking. Those are not happy words! Why do so many people (you included?) believe change = bad?
Some of the definitions of “change” in Webster’s Dictionary include:
- First day of school: Every year, from Kindergarten to post-graduate classes to working in a school as a counselor, is a new start. There is hope each year for the possibilities of what will occur. There is also worry: “will I have classes with my friends?” “will I be liked?” “is my teacher going to be nice and helpful?” “is my outfit okay?” Whew – that is a lot of worry about the unknown. Then, the day starts and you smile at a friend and feel confident. You learn throughout the year and feel proud. You forget about those worries and enjoy the newness of this year. Change = Good!
- Moving: Whether you are renting or buying; choosing to live with roommates, a partner, or alone; moving down the street or across the country; moving towards something or away from something; moving is exhausting, overwhelming, and can be complicated. However, those aren’t really reasons to stay. You move to grow. If you didn’t accept that this type of change was needed, you will still be living in your childhood bedroom! Change = Good!
- Dating: Most people don’t want to be alone. People usually like to be around others; to be accepted by others. However, dating means opening yourself up for rejection. No thank you! But, then you are lonely. So, that isn’t good. In order to find your soulmate, you have to meet people. You only need one date to be “the one.” Therefore, change occurs over and over in this category while you look for your Prince (or Princess). Is it always fun? Not for me! But, it is necessary to achieve your personal relationship goals. Don’t give up on yourself or your happiness. Change = Good!
- Professionally: Staying in the same job, same location, same everything is a rare trait in professionals today. People need to feel purposefully. People need to evolve. Often, this desire for change and fulfillment creates an internal conflict; do I stay or do I go-go? If staying means you feel unmotivated, unhappy, unfulfilled, and unnecessary, then a change is needed. Embrace the newness; embrace the unknown for the possibility of professional fulfillment! Change = Good!
Bree Winkler is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Atlanta, GA. Her company is Private Counseling LLC. New clients are currently being accepted. Contact Bree today for more information.
Transcript of Video Blog:
Hi guys! Bree Winkler here. I’m a licensed professional counselor near Atlanta, GA, specifically located in Peachtree Corners, GA.
Something very important has come to my attention and I want to share it with all of you.
Here is what I have learned to accept recently:
Not everyone is going to like me.
Ouch - right?!? I mean, I’m likeable. I’m funny (sometimes!). I’m smart. I’m kind to others. But, I also have qualities that might not be appreciated by others, such as a sarcasm or Type-A personality qualities.
To reinforce this concept, I believe MANTRAS are helpful. Mantras are short phrases to repeat to yourself. Can you add this mantra to your daily routine?
“I am entirely myself, not the sum of what other people think of me.”
How does it feel to say this phrase aloud?
Can you look at yourself in the mirror while repeating this?
Do you believe it?
Changing your beliefs takes time. Keep repeating this mantra several times a day until you can believe that you ARE likeable and loveable, especially in an unkind world!
By Bree Winkler LPC @ Private Counseling
Located in Peachtree Corners, GA
- Everyone, and I mean everyone, needs help. You are not ‘crazy’ when you go to therapy. Instead, you are choosing to take care of yourself. Help is available.
- You might be thinking, ‘I have friends and family I can talk to,’ which is probably true. But, what if you need to talk about your relationships with them? Or, what if they just don’t know how to really listen to you to understand you completely? Or, what if you don’t know how to express yourself to them? This is why counseling is beneficial.
- Another reason for counseling is breaking poor habits. Habits are difficult to change. Why? Because it takes work and because change is uncomfortable. A good counselor can help you make a plan to change an unhealthy or unhelpful habit, as well as support and encourage you through the process.
- People want to know what type of reasons someone would attend therapy? Clients go to counseling for a variety of topics. I specialize in helping clients cope with the normal events of life: relationships, anxiety, mood changes including depression, anger management, handling unexpected events such as grief, job loss, moving, and also helping build communication skills for all aspects of a client’s life.
- People also ask how long they would have to attend therapy? Well, that also depends on the person. Some clients attend counseling for a few sessions to resolve a specific issue or reach a particular goal; other clients attend therapy for many sessions, depending on their personal needs.
- The final tip I have today is about the therapeutic relationship between counselor and client. This relationship is the MOST important aspect of effective counseling. Trust your gut during your initial phone consultation with a prospective therapist. If you are going to share your deepest secrets and fears with the counselor, then you need to feel comfortable trusting that counselor.
It is almost time to say “Hello 2018!” The new year is a time to reflect on the past and plan for the future. It can be an exciting time, full of gleeful remembrance of what 2017 meant to you, the wonderful things that occurred, and the reliving of proud moments. Reflection can also be bittersweet: maybe you lost an important person this year through death, breakup, or disconnect; maybe you didn’t reach all of your resolutions or goals; maybe you tried and failed at something?
Now that you have thoroughly recalled how 2017 impacted you, you can make choices on how to enter into 2018. What are your:
2018 can be YOUR year!! You can impress yourself by making and keeping your resolutions. You can achieve your goals with effort and determination. You can hope for things you desire. You can let yourself dream and plan for the immediate and long-term future. You have the power to make changes; the power to have the life you deserve!
Is there anything in your way to achieving these things? Are YOU in YOUR way? If so, why?? What are the obstacles and/or thoughts that stand in your way to achieving your full potential? List those things. Now, create another goal to eradicate those road blocks! This determination and perseverance is what WILL make 2018 YOUR best year yet AND the life you’ve always wanted to live!
Synonyms: uncertainty, hesitation, disbelief, reservation; skepticism, distrust, suspicion, questioning
Have you ever experienced self-doubt? Have you questioned your ability to do something well or “right”? Have you ever believed that others seem to think you are not capable or smart (or helpful or funny or kind or millions of other worries)? I know I have. Self-doubt is the worst! How can I feel good about myself, confident in my abilities, or happy and secure if I am doubting myself?
Self-doubt is a stressor that needs to be managed. Managing means decreasing the belief that the self-doubt is real. When you manage the stressor, you are managing your anxiety.
First, write down your worry (the stressor).
Next, write an affirmation (a positive statement) that is opposite of the worry.
For example: If your worry is “I am not sure if I am able to do this;” your affirmation can be “I can try my best to accomplish this.”
Finally, repeat and rewrite the affirmation 5-10 times. Restate this each time you have the worry.
With practice, you will minimize your worries and self-doubt so you feel better overall!
** Now, you try it. Ask yourself “what is bothering me right now?” Write it down. Follow the steps above.
Me: I am not valued at work.
Affirmation: I do my best and I cannot be expected to please everyone.
Repeat: I do my best and I cannot be expected to please everyone. (breathe/exhale) I do my best and I cannot be expected to please everyone. (breathe/exhale/relax muscles) I do my best and I cannot be expected to please everyone. (breathe/exhale/relax muscles/smile) I do my best and I cannot be expected to please everyone! (breathe/exhale/relax muscles/smile/let go of the self-doubt)
Afterwards: I feel calmer (and more confident). I needed this time to reframe my negative, self-doubting thoughts, so I could be ready to experience something new and better than my previous thoughts.
If you need help navigating this process, Contact Bree Winkler LPC today to schedule an initial counseling session.
Have you ever felt lonely?
Struggling with loneliness is depressing, literally! The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5) states depression includes varying duration and intensity of:
What is the answer to the problem of loneliness??
The simple answer is “be around others.” However, if you are feeling lonely, you know this is not as easy as it sounds. People care, but are busy. Friends are awesome, but have priorities other than you. Wallowing in sadness is not attractive for finding a mate and new friends. Hobbies require effort, which feels exhausting. Responsibilities pile up day after day. Life must go on.
All those negative thoughts are not helpful! They may currently be true, but they don’t have to be true forever. What do we all need to feel better?
Why do people avoid asking for help and combating loneliness?
People are not meant to be alone. We are meant to be a part of a community. We NEED to be a part of a community. Only bad things happen in isolation (negative thoughts, fears, worries, crime, withdrawal, meanness, and other horrible things). Others help us understand our thoughts, beliefs, and fear in perspective. Without the perspective, we believe our initial thoughts. You, I, and all of us are great people BUT believing our initial thoughts is NOT always the best option.
If you want something you’ve never had, You have to do something you’ve never done.
I often notice people are shocked to learn they have break bad habits or change routines or get out of their comfort zones so they can experience something new. It is common sense; however, it is difficult to make changes. Even changes you really, REALLY want.
I struggle with this concept as well. The most recent example for me was deciding between opening my own mental health therapy office or continuing to see my clients in their homes. I could see pros and cons to both aspects, but I knew I needed to secure a quality office space for my business to grow. This is what I really, REALLY wanted… but, I was scared. I wanted something new, but I was afraid to do something different. Can you relate?
Why does change = fear?
Fear is defined as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.”
So, an individual’s belief about something causes the feeling. Once you feel fearful, you act paralyzed (immobile, unmotivated, stuck).
I’ve shared this before: our Thoughts/Beliefs cause our Feelings
which cause our Actions.
Therefore, if you change your Thoughts/Beliefs, you are able to feel something different, which means you will Respond/Act differently as well. This is the key to getting what you want.
Shifting your Thoughts shows that changes ≠ fear.
How does this formula help me? I stopped telling myself “I might fail and lose money by renting an office” and changed my Thought to “An office is the best option for me at this time.” That simple shift stopped me from feeling fear and replaced it with feelings of motivation and excitement. That was liberating! Actions quickly followed with research and planning. I couldn’t be happier that I stopped being afraid and started embracing this next step on my professional journey.
Can you imagine how this can work for you?
Do you want to let go of fear?
Are you ready to Do Something You’ve Never Done?
Visit www.PrivateCounselingGA.com to contact me about your initial therapeutic session. My office is conveniently located in Peachtree Corners, GA. I look forward to meeting you soon!
Bree Winkler, LPC, Ed.S
My goal is to help you use coping skills, change thoughts, and manage behaviors in order to decrease anxiety and depression symptoms.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy