When you hear the term “coping skills,” what do you think of first?

Often, we know people (perhaps even ourselves?) that utilize coping skills in an unhealthy manner. This includes self-medicating with alcohol or drugs; justifying poor choices, such as spending over your budget; yelling at someone because “they made me mad,” to name a few examples.

The GOALS are to:

1.     Learn types of Healthy coping skills
2.     Practice Healthy coping skills often
3.     Implementing Healthy coping skills when triggered

So… what are Healthy Coping Skills?
They are things that you choose to do to help you feel better in a stressful situation; things that make the situation better, not ignoring the issue or causing more personal distress.

1.     Learning there are different types of Coping Skills needed to help with various types of triggers. (Triggers are things that cause a negative emotional reaction) Use a variety of the skills from the categories below to build your Health Coping Skills List.
 
Categories include:
a.     Calming Skills: Deep Breathing with Mantra; Taking a Mindful Walk; Yoga; Visualizing your Favorite Place
b.     Distraction Skills: Read; Crossword Puzzles; Play Videogames; Baking/Cooking
c.      Physical Skills: Squeeze a Stress Ball; Exercise; Use a Sand Tray; Build Something
d.     Processing Skills: Journal; Draw; Talk to Someone You Trust; Use “I Statements”
 
2.     Practice is key!! When you learn (or relearn) something new, you need to create a new neural pathway to make a strong connection between “trigger” and “healthy coping skill.” This takes consistency and time.
Pro Tip: Make a list of your favorite coping skills and post them in an obvious spot (such as your bathroom mirror). Looking at the healthy options daily will reinforce the decision to utilize them in the future.
 
3.     Implementing Healthy Coping Skills is a choice.  It takes effort to Pause and Choose to react positively and/or differently than you have in the past. You might have setbacks, but you can overcome them with practice and mindful effort.
 
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Clients often share that they are “worried,” “anxious,” or “scared” of the future because the outcome is not guaranteed (aka unknown). It feels like a unique experience for each of us, but it is actually something we all have in common. We cannot predict or control the future; we can set goals and make plans, but the result might not be as expected.

The goal is to use healthy coping skills to counteract the “fear of the unknown” anxiety reaction. Without using effective therapeutic skills, a person can be: (a) stuck in indecision, (b) overly anxious, (c) depressed, or (d) angry.  
The good news is that you have personal control, even in the moments of uncertainty! You are in control of how you interpret situations. You are in control of how you react to situations. 

You must be aware that you are using unhealthy and/or irrational logic, in order to shift to a healthier response.
See 4 examples below:

1) Unhealthy Tactic / Cognitive Distortion: Predicting the future
Internal Thought: “Everything is going to fall apart and cause me pain when (insert specific issue) happens.”
Healthy Coping Skill / Reframe + Action: “I am unhappy (or identify another feeling) with this situation, but I need to focus on handling the present moment.”
Action: focus on what you can control (i.e. who to interact with; how you choose to advocate; boundaries) by listing them and posting in sightline to review often.

2) Unhealthy Tactic / Cognitive Distortion: All-or-Nothing Thinking (Also called Black-and-White Thinking)
Internal Thought: “Unless I get all A’s, I’ll never get into college.”
Healthy Coping Skill / Reframe + Action: “What would the grey area look like?” or “Lots of people got into college with B’s and C’s; this is only one grade.”
Action: Ask self “what are other possible outcomes?”

3) Unhealthy Tactic / Cognitive Distortion: Emotional Reasoning
Internal Thought: “It will be too embarrassing to (fill in specific activity).”
Belief: because I feel it, it must be true.
Healthy Coping Skill / Reframe + Action: “Why does the idea of this make me feel this way?” and/or “What is the worst thing that could happen if I am embarrassed? Can I handle that?
Action: Remind self – “Feelings aren’t Facts.”

4) Unhealthy Tactic / Cognitive Distortion: Magnifying or Minimizing
Internal Thought: “I’m horrible at this job and will probably be fired (after receiving some constructive criticism from boss).”
Behavior: Magnifying any negative comment/experience and Minimizing any positive comment/experience – both out of proportion to the actual situation.
Healthy Coping Skill / Reframe + Action: “Constructive criticism is helpful so I continue to grow and learn. I am a good employee and my boss sees my potential.”
Action: Reflect on what was communicated (not on what you felt). Write down all positive and negative comments and compare. Most likely, you ignored the positive comments initially.

 
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