Anger: Is this emotion controlling your life?!?
By: Bree Winkler LPC
Clients often say to me “I have anger management issues.” What they really mean is “I am not able to control my anger, so other people need to accept it when I lash out at them.” These are two very different things!
Anger management is: 1) Identifying and accepting your strong emotional reactions to something (or everything) 2) Making conscious efforts to manage (respond) to the anger (feeling) in an appropriate manner.
Anger management is: 1) Identifying and accepting your strong emotional reactions to something (or everything) 2) Making conscious efforts to manage (respond) to the anger (feeling) in an appropriate manner.
 | If a person knows they become angry easily or quickly or react poorly to anger, then that is Step #1. If that same person doesn’t move onto Step #2 (management), then that person is just angry. Unresolved anger causes many physical, emotional, and relationship issues. Research shows that anger can make your body tense, raise blood pressure, cause headaches, and/or create stomach and digestive issues. In addition, emotionally anger can linger and change a person’s mindset and beliefs in a negative manner. Finally, personal relationships suffer when an individual is moody, mean, quick to anger, slow to forgive, and/or poor at communication due to emotional pain. Emotions, including anger, are normal! Emotions are necessary to let our brains and body know how we feel about something, so we can connect with others, to protect us with the fight or flight mechanism. |
The goal is not to prevent anger (that is not normal).
Instead, the goal is to manage your response to angry feelings.
Let’s look at a scenario:
A man is walking down the street. Walking towards him is a woman of a different race. No one else is on the street. The woman clutches her purse and crosses the street. The man becomes angry because he believes she is afraid of him due to his race or gender; he didn’t do anything wrong!
Feeling (hurt + disappointment + disgust) = completely appropriate emotional reaction
Response (action response to feeling) =
Inappropriate: The man yells, “Hey lady! I wasn’t going to hurt you! What is
your problem?!?”
Appropriate: The man sighs to himself and assesses his feelings. He decides this
situation makes him a “3” on the “Anger Meter.” He is frustrated.
He says to himself, “It sucks when I am judged by things I can’t
control. It is not this woman’s fault that she is afraid based on
stereotypes. She is being extra cautious, perhaps because she has
had bad experiences in the past. This will not ruin my day.”
A man is walking down the street. Walking towards him is a woman of a different race. No one else is on the street. The woman clutches her purse and crosses the street. The man becomes angry because he believes she is afraid of him due to his race or gender; he didn’t do anything wrong!
Feeling (hurt + disappointment + disgust) = completely appropriate emotional reaction
Response (action response to feeling) =
Inappropriate: The man yells, “Hey lady! I wasn’t going to hurt you! What is
your problem?!?”
Appropriate: The man sighs to himself and assesses his feelings. He decides this
situation makes him a “3” on the “Anger Meter.” He is frustrated.
He says to himself, “It sucks when I am judged by things I can’t
control. It is not this woman’s fault that she is afraid based on
stereotypes. She is being extra cautious, perhaps because she has
had bad experiences in the past. This will not ruin my day.”
The appropriate response is not always the easiest, but it is the healthiest. Anger management is appropriate – you allow yourself to feel how you feel, but you stop yourself from reacting in a way that is going to cause more problems.
Anger is not an emotion to be afraid of! Anger isn’t an emotion you should feel guilty about. Anger is an emotion that should be managed to prevent negative or inappropriate reactions.
Anger is not an emotion to be afraid of! Anger isn’t an emotion you should feel guilty about. Anger is an emotion that should be managed to prevent negative or inappropriate reactions.
Meaning: feelings = okay; however, reactions = must be managed appropriately
If you, or someone you love, needs help managing their anger appropriately, it is time to contact a professional counselor. Bree Winkler is a Licensed Professional Counselor near Atlanta, GA. Contact Bree today for your FREE phone consultation.
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