This universal phrase is used to express discomfort and fear. It is used by teens and adults in a variety of circumstances. While it is true that many things can have an “awkward” component to them, using this phrase creates avoidance.
Interestingly, synonyms for “awkward” rarely accurately identify the feeling an individual is trying to communicate. The synonyms for awkward include: bumbling, floundering, gawky, graceless, incompetent, unpolished, uncoordinated, or butterfingers. Using specific feelings to identify perceived or actual uncomfortable experiences is beneficial to handling that situation.
Interestingly, synonyms for “awkward” rarely accurately identify the feeling an individual is trying to communicate. The synonyms for awkward include: bumbling, floundering, gawky, graceless, incompetent, unpolished, uncoordinated, or butterfingers. Using specific feelings to identify perceived or actual uncomfortable experiences is beneficial to handling that situation.
Meaning, yes, meeting someone new can be awkward; but more specifically, it may make you feel like you are “blundering” or “clumsy” with conversation. Okay! That’s helpful information. Now we can work on how to navigate conversations, including conversation starters, appropriate verbal and nonverbal responses, and ending a conversation. Building skills specific to the anxiety is necessary so you can effectively handle the discomfort associated with engaging in these valuable experiences. (see additional examples below)
Remember: Feelings are temporary. Humans can handle discomfort.
Avoiding discomfort means you will also miss out on something positive!
When someone has anxiety, which is the root of the “awkward” freeze/flight reaction, it occurs to make you aware of the importance of that particular thing. Anxiety in any form (such as butterflies in your stomach, worried thoughts, sweating, headaches, racing heartbeat, shaking of arms or legs, blushing, tense muscles, loss of appetite, insomnia) are signs that something needs to be addressed. It does not mean that ‘thing’ is bad, wrong, or meant to be avoided. If you face the fear, the anxiety will decrease. If you let the fear win, the anxiety will increase and multiply.
Strategies to responding to the freeze/flight response: self-CARE
- Calm Self -- Pause and take a deep breath. As you exhale, focus on finding a reaction that is productive, positive, and forward-moving.
- Repeat deep breathing until you can lower adrenaline and think clearly about the situation.
- Awareness -- Identify the exact feeling that is creating "awkwardness" (i.e., embarrassment, scared, insecurity, fear)
- Respond Internally -- Challenge the negative thought
- i.e., If thinking “I can’t do this alone” reframe it to “I’m going to prove to myself that I can handle this!”
- i.e., If thinking “Everyone will see me and I will feel so embarrassed” reframe it to “Most people aren’t watching me” and “I want to live my life for me, not hide in fear of what others may think.”
- Execute – Choose an action that is positive and productive (i.e. say “yes” to something you might default to having said “no” to due to anxiety)
Additional “awkward” examples and Tips on cARE (Awareness, Respond, Execute):
- flirting with a crush can be awkward –
- or you might be doubtful and insecure that they will respond positively.
- Thought: If you don’t try, you won’t know. Once you know, you can continue to flirt or move on.
- giving a speech can be awkward –
- or you might be fretful your voice will crack or be too soft.
- Thought: practice speaking in front of a mirror, family, or friends to gain confidence and settle nerves, which builds confidence.
- asking for a raise can be awkward –
- or you might worry about your value in the workplace.
- Thought: Review your skills and assets at your job. Access help building your self-esteem and processing your feelings and beliefs with a trusted professional or friend/family member.
- sharing your feelings can be awkward –
- or you are aware of your vulnerability with this person when you share genuinely
- Thought: Being vulnerable is necessary to deepen and strengthen any relationship.
- Cautionary Tip: Be selective with who you are vulnerable with (not everyone needs, can handle, or deserves to know your business!)
- failing at something can be awkward –
- or you are disappointed that something didn’t work out the way you hoped
- Thoughts: No one is perfect. Losing/Being rejected/Making errors is a part of life that you can recover from! If you need help navigating, ask for help.
- perceived (or actual) judgement of your outfit can be awkward –
- or you are personalizing actual/perceived insults
- Thought: I like what I’m wearing. If someone stares, I will be confident in my choice, regardless of their opinion.
- repairing relationships can be awkward –
- or you feel scared that you might be rejected or it might be an ending
- Thought: Ask yourself “do I care about this person?” If yes, then the distress is worth the effort to initiate a repair conversation.
- tripping or falling can be awkward –
- or you feel embarrassed or humiliated by your temporary coordination issue
- Thought: Laugh at yourself! Everyone messes up sometimes and that’s okay!
Seek professional help from a therapist if you need support managing your anxiety in order for you to enjoy living your life to the fullest!
Author
Bree Winkler is a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta, GA. She specializes in helping clients manage anxiety, depression, anger, and relationship issues.
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