Short answer: Maybe.
Lying is a “normal” behavior. It is characterized by white lies, tall tales, fibs, or purposeful deception. Everyone has lied to at least one person. However, there are different degrees of lying.
· Compulsive Liar
A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary. For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (unlike sociopaths), rather they simply lie out of habit - an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship. The terms Pathological Liar, Habitual Liar and Chronic Liar are often used to refer to a Compulsive Liar.
Are you or a family member a compulsive liar? Click here to take a quiz.
· A Sociopath
A sociopath is typically defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others. A sociopath is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused - it is done to get one’s way). Sociopaths have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others. Sociopaths are often charming and charismatic, but they use their talented social skills in manipulative and self-centered ways.
Honesty and dishonesty are learned in the home. How parents respond and discipline their child for lying also teaches the child the parent’s expectations for lying.
Lying is a “normal” behavior. It is characterized by white lies, tall tales, fibs, or purposeful deception. Everyone has lied to at least one person. However, there are different degrees of lying.
· Compulsive Liar
A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary. For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (unlike sociopaths), rather they simply lie out of habit - an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship. The terms Pathological Liar, Habitual Liar and Chronic Liar are often used to refer to a Compulsive Liar.
Are you or a family member a compulsive liar? Click here to take a quiz.
· A Sociopath
A sociopath is typically defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others. A sociopath is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused - it is done to get one’s way). Sociopaths have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others. Sociopaths are often charming and charismatic, but they use their talented social skills in manipulative and self-centered ways.
Honesty and dishonesty are learned in the home. How parents respond and discipline their child for lying also teaches the child the parent’s expectations for lying.
Lying that is probably not a serious problem:
· Young children (ages 4-5) often make up stories and tell tall tales. This is normal activity because they enjoy hearing stories and making up stories for fun. These young children may blur the distinction between reality and fantasy.
· An older child or adolescent may tell a lie to be self-serving (e.g. avoid doing something or deny responsibility for their actions). Parents should respond to isolated instances of lying by talking with the youngster about the importance of truthfulness, honesty and trust.
· Some adolescents discover that lying may be considered acceptable in certain situations such as not telling a boyfriend or girlfriend the real reasons for breaking up because they don't want to hurt their feelings.
· Other adolescents may lie to protect their privacy or to help them feel psychologically separate and independent from their parents (e.g. denying they sneaked out late at night with friends).
Lying that may indicate emotional problems:
· Children or adolescents, who know the difference between truthfulness and lying, tell elaborate stories which appear believable. They usually relate these stories with enthusiasm because they receive a lot of attention as they tell the lie.
· Children or adolescents, who otherwise seem responsible, fall into a pattern of repetitive lying. They often feel that lying is the easiest way to deal with the demands of parents, teachers and friends. These children are usually not trying to be bad or malicious but the repetitive pattern of lying becomes a bad habit.
· Some children and adolescents are not bothered by lying or taking advantage of others.
· May frequently use lying to cover up another serious problem. For example, an adolescent with a serious drug or alcohol problem will lie repeatedly to hide the truth about where they have been, who they were with, what they were doing, and where the money went.
Mental health diagnoses must meet the criteria as outlined in the DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual 5). “Lying” is not a mental health disorder. However, it is a characteristic in a few Personality Disorders (Anti-Social Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder). For more information, click here.
· An older child or adolescent may tell a lie to be self-serving (e.g. avoid doing something or deny responsibility for their actions). Parents should respond to isolated instances of lying by talking with the youngster about the importance of truthfulness, honesty and trust.
· Some adolescents discover that lying may be considered acceptable in certain situations such as not telling a boyfriend or girlfriend the real reasons for breaking up because they don't want to hurt their feelings.
· Other adolescents may lie to protect their privacy or to help them feel psychologically separate and independent from their parents (e.g. denying they sneaked out late at night with friends).
Lying that may indicate emotional problems:
· Children or adolescents, who know the difference between truthfulness and lying, tell elaborate stories which appear believable. They usually relate these stories with enthusiasm because they receive a lot of attention as they tell the lie.
· Children or adolescents, who otherwise seem responsible, fall into a pattern of repetitive lying. They often feel that lying is the easiest way to deal with the demands of parents, teachers and friends. These children are usually not trying to be bad or malicious but the repetitive pattern of lying becomes a bad habit.
· Some children and adolescents are not bothered by lying or taking advantage of others.
· May frequently use lying to cover up another serious problem. For example, an adolescent with a serious drug or alcohol problem will lie repeatedly to hide the truth about where they have been, who they were with, what they were doing, and where the money went.
Mental health diagnoses must meet the criteria as outlined in the DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual 5). “Lying” is not a mental health disorder. However, it is a characteristic in a few Personality Disorders (Anti-Social Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder). For more information, click here.
What to do if a Child or Adolescent lies:
Parents are the most important role models for their children. When a child or adolescent lies, parents should take some time to have a serious talk and discuss:
· The difference between make believe and reality, lying and telling the truth
· The importance of honesty at home and in the community
· Alternatives to lying
· Natural consequences for lying (lack of trust from others, losing friends, integrity lost)
If a child or adolescent develops a pattern of lying which is serious and repetitive, then professional help may be needed. Evaluation by a child and adolescent psychiatrist would help the child and parents understand the lying behavior and would also provide recommendations for the future. After the evaluation, schedule a session with a counselor to begin regular therapy to correct the problematic behaviors. Call Bree to discuss therapy options and schedule your first session.
Bree Winkler, EdS, LPC, CAMS is a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta, GA. Bree works with adolescents and adults using cognitive behavioral therapy to manage mental health issues.
Parents are the most important role models for their children. When a child or adolescent lies, parents should take some time to have a serious talk and discuss:
· The difference between make believe and reality, lying and telling the truth
· The importance of honesty at home and in the community
· Alternatives to lying
· Natural consequences for lying (lack of trust from others, losing friends, integrity lost)
If a child or adolescent develops a pattern of lying which is serious and repetitive, then professional help may be needed. Evaluation by a child and adolescent psychiatrist would help the child and parents understand the lying behavior and would also provide recommendations for the future. After the evaluation, schedule a session with a counselor to begin regular therapy to correct the problematic behaviors. Call Bree to discuss therapy options and schedule your first session.
Bree Winkler, EdS, LPC, CAMS is a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta, GA. Bree works with adolescents and adults using cognitive behavioral therapy to manage mental health issues.
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