Category: Personality

WIN or LEARN -- both have positive effects!

10/19/2019

It’s natural to be competitive. We obviously compete with others at work and when playing sports. Other times, competition can be subtle (or unnecessary), like when driving, dating, communicating, participating in hobbies, fashion, or parenting. We also compete with ourselves (i.e. PR for an athletic event). Basically, competition (and the outcome of it) is for YOU not for the other person – assuming the other person even knows they are in competition with you!

Many people try to avoid competition. Why? Several possible reasons:

Fear of Failure: People want to WIN. But, when you compete, winning is not a guarantee.
Uncomfortable with Conflict: Not every individual is content engaging in obvious competition (or conflict).
Embarrassment: Your core belief may be that losing is bad and not acceptable.
Seek Security: If you don’t try, you can’t fail.

Here’s the problem: When you don’t participate, you don’t experience success or failure!
How do you…?

WIN: You must participate and do your best (and be better than someone else in that moment). Winning is great because you get to experience personal gratification. Sometimes you get praise from others or even a medal!
LEARN: You must participate and reflect on your experience to determine what went well and what can be changed next time. Learning is amazing! You get to gain knowledge about yourself and others. You develop and strengthen your character, resilience, determination, perseverance, and self-respect.

Can you win and learn? Of course. But you can also win and not learn; as well as lose and not learn. The important points:

Choose to participate!
Choose to reflect on the outcome of participating (win or lose).
Don’t allow yourself to avoid competition. Refer to #1 and #2 for encouragement.

Author

Bree Winkler is a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta, GA. Bree specializes in helping clients manage anxiety, depression, anger, and relationship issues.

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What is Your Parenting Style?

5/9/2018

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For the last 14 years, I have been an energetic and dedicated middle school counselor. Friends and strangers ask, “How can you work with middle school students? That is the toughest age!” Yes, friends, it is a difficult age, but it is difficult for the child; it is not about me.

While I spend time helping students, I also spend countless hours meeting with parents of these students. I listen and understand that parenting an adolescent is a very difficult and exhausting experiences. Some parents navigate this process easier than others. Perhaps they have a personality that is easier to acclimate to the changes in the adolescent brain and body; or, perhaps they have already been through the struggles with an older child? However, not every parent (or every student) is equipped to seamlessly handle the ups and downs of adolescence and middle school issues.

As an outside observer and expert on childhood development, I am able to guide students and parents based on overall trends, research, and experiences. As a counselor (and a human), I am not perfect. I give advice, suggestions, and support through the scope of ‘do no harm’ and the desire to provide the best ethical and effective assistance. Some tips and ideas work better for one child and other suggestions are needed for a different child. As a parent, I am sure you have also noticed the differences with needs between your own children and/or among your child’s friends. This is the learning curve.

What happens when a parent appears to NOT be operating with the mindset of ‘what is best for my child?’ What if that parent is using words like ‘support,’ ‘advocate,’ or ‘protect’ to actually smother (emotionally), control, or push their child in a direction that is unhealthy for that particular kid? How can a parent identify the difference between SUPPORT vs. SMOTHERING?

Supportive-Style Parenting

Encouraging your child to pursue goals/dreams

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Teaching/building skills for: communication, problem solving, coping with life, confidence, and resilience
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Nurturing and Empathy
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Listening for Understanding
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Allow natural consequences to occur

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Discipline appropriately to teach rules and morals

Smothering-Style Parenting

Forcing your child to pursue your goals/dreams for them
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Doing for your child: speaking for them to teachers, fixing issues, defending without facts, preventing failure and recovery.
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Overbearing or Clingy
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Speaking for your child
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Protecting your child from learning lessons (at school, with friends, in relationships, etc)
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Blaming other people for things your child does and/or enabling entitled behavior.

Obviously, these are broad categories, not a recipe for step-by-step instructions on parenting.

The message is: Teach your child. Then, step back and let them try.

Here is what your child will learn when they do for themselves:

·        Confidence: they tried and now they know their capabilities.

·        Perseverance: they will try again (with support) to improve.

·     Resilience: they won’t be defeated forever; they will get back up and try again.

· Pride: they will feel accomplished by putting forth their own effort.

·   Self-Confidence: they believe in themselves to try something new or try something a different way.

·   Determination: you can’t get everything right the first time or exactly the way you want it, but it is worth fighting for.

·     Communication: they will learn to speak assertively to others about their needs, wants, and desires.

· Emotional Regulation: ups and downs are normal for life that can be managed effectively with healthy coping skills.

·    Self-Control/Self-Discipline: by learning and practicing parental rules and expectations, the child learns to self-regulate to acclimate in society.

·  Problem-Solving: your child will be able to look at issues from different perspectives and brainstorm for appropriate resolutions.

·  Understanding: mistakes happen – that’s okay. Failure occurs (with grades, friends, sports, and many other things). Hard work and effort are needed to correct issues of failure or disappointment from becoming permanent issues.

·    Natural Consequences: if your child is mean to someone, that person may stop being their friend. This is a natural consequence. If your child does not complete homework or study for a test, your child may fail. This is a natural consequence.

·  Responsibility: Rescuing children (or people in general) from natural consequences prevents learning and accepting that each person has to be responsible for their own life and choices.

This is not an exhaustive list of lessons to learn for adolescents (or in adulthood), but it is a good start.

Can you honestly ask yourself:
Am I a supportive parent or a smothering parent?
How do I feel about my answer?
What improvements can I make for myself and my child?

As always, my #1 priority is the safety (emotional and physical) of my clients. I want healthy parents to teach their children to be healthy, productive teens and adults. Ongoing self-reflection is necessary for this to occur.

Author

Bree Winkler is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Peachtree Corners, GA. If you need help for yourself or your spouse or teenager, contact Bree today for a FREE phone consultation.

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Perspective --- Are you Closed-Minded?

9/17/2016

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Have you dismissed someone's idea or opinion because you KNOW you are right? Sure, we all have. Sometimes, there is a right answer: 2 + 2 (always) = 4. But other times, more than one opinion, or perspective, can also be correct: What color is the sky? Answers vary.

Grand Canyon: See the river? See the blue dot? That is an opened umbrella between the top and the river. Looks different from distance, than holding it, right? It's still an umbrella.

So, why is it human nature to need to be right? What reward does it give the individual?

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TRUST and Asking for HELP

9/13/2015

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By Bree Winkler, EdS, LPC, CAMS

People confide in me every day. They share their deepest secrets, fears, worries, and embarrassments. They are seeking empathy, reassurance, and guidance. It’s my passion and my job to listen confidentially, give support, and offer help. Overall, I’ve been a great therapist (and friend). Because of this, I know that asking for help and trusting others is effective for healing.

So, why is it so difficult for me to ask for help and trust others??? One definition of TRUST is “confident expectation of something; hope.” Hope and expectations can breed fear if not met with support and commitment. I spoke to other Type-A, independent professionals and they agreed with my concerns. There are a lot of reasons why people fear asking for help:

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Do You Need A Life Coach?

11/24/2014

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What is a Life Coach?
A life coach is officially defined as “a person who counsels and encourages clients on matters having to do with careers or personal challenges.”

How is Life Coach different from a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC)?

Therapists/Counselors assess and diagnosis client symptoms. LPC professionals specialize in counseling clients who are dealing with a variety of mental health diagnoses: mood disorders, personality disorders, anxiety disorders, adjustments disorders, and more. Clients must show symptoms for specific duration and intensity in order to receive a mental health diagnosis. Clients must have a qualifying mental health diagnosis (according to the DSM-V) in order for insurance to pay for treatment.

A Life Coach can listen, process, and offer suggestions to your problems without diagnosing the client. Individuals see life coaches when they need assistance in a season of life transition, but their symptoms do not meet the criteria for diagnosis. A life coach may be a LPC or receive alternative training and certification.

Who needs a life coach?
Everyone could benefit from having a neutral, personal confidant to assist with life changes and challenges.

However, 2 specific personality behaviors could readily benefit from Life Coaching.

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What's New in Therapy?

WIN or LEARN -- both have positive effects!

Author

What is Your Parenting Style?

Author

Perspective --- Are you Closed-Minded?

TRUST and Asking for HELP

Do You Need A Life Coach?

Bree Winkler, LPC, Ed.S

Archives

Categories

Private Counseling
Your Customized Mental Health Therapy
1031 Cambridge Square, Suite E
Alpharetta, GA 30009
(470) 231-9199
inquires.privatecounseling@gmail.com

What's New in Therapy?

WIN or LEARN -- both have positive effects!

Author

What is Your Parenting Style?

Author

Perspective --- Are you Closed-Minded?

TRUST and Asking for HELP

Do You Need A Life Coach?

Bree Winkler, LPC, Ed.S

Archives

Categories

Private CounselingYour Customized Mental Health Therapy1031 Cambridge Square, Suite EAlpharetta, GA 30009(470) 231-9199inquires.privatecounseling@gmail.com

Private Counseling
Your Customized Mental Health Therapy
1031 Cambridge Square, Suite E
Alpharetta, GA 30009
(470) 231-9199
inquires.privatecounseling@gmail.com