By Bree Winkler, EdS, LPC, CAMS
People confide in me every day. They share their deepest secrets, fears, worries, and embarrassments. They are seeking empathy, reassurance, and guidance. It’s my passion and my job to listen confidentially, give support, and offer help. Overall, I’ve been a great therapist (and friend). Because of this, I know that asking for help and trusting others is effective for healing.
So, why is it so difficult for me to ask for help and trust others??? One definition of TRUST is “confident expectation of something; hope.” Hope and expectations can breed fear if not met with support and commitment. I spoke to other Type-A, independent professionals and they agreed with my concerns. There are a lot of reasons why people fear asking for help:
People confide in me every day. They share their deepest secrets, fears, worries, and embarrassments. They are seeking empathy, reassurance, and guidance. It’s my passion and my job to listen confidentially, give support, and offer help. Overall, I’ve been a great therapist (and friend). Because of this, I know that asking for help and trusting others is effective for healing.
So, why is it so difficult for me to ask for help and trust others??? One definition of TRUST is “confident expectation of something; hope.” Hope and expectations can breed fear if not met with support and commitment. I spoke to other Type-A, independent professionals and they agreed with my concerns. There are a lot of reasons why people fear asking for help:
1) It feels like failure. I am successful, intelligent, and hard working. It seems weak to need others to take care of me.
2) Hate being dependent on others. Asking for help means waiting for others to be available to help you. It takes time. It is frustrating.
3) It is embarrassing. Asking for help also means trusting that others will not reject your request. If they are unable to help, you feel helpless and lonely.
4) Doubt others ability or desire to follow through. You wonder “Does this person really want to help me?” or “Am I inconveniencing them?” People are busy; they have personal responsibilities and priorities.
2) Hate being dependent on others. Asking for help means waiting for others to be available to help you. It takes time. It is frustrating.
3) It is embarrassing. Asking for help also means trusting that others will not reject your request. If they are unable to help, you feel helpless and lonely.
4) Doubt others ability or desire to follow through. You wonder “Does this person really want to help me?” or “Am I inconveniencing them?” People are busy; they have personal responsibilities and priorities.
While these fears may be real, they also stop me from fully connecting and embracing life. In order to grow, you must trust. Asking for help has benefits too:
1) Others are able to show how much they care about you. People, by nature, want to be able to help others. If you allow someone to help you, they are fulfilled by being a good friend.
2) Safety and security. After you ask for help, a person either hesitates to help or eagerly agrees to help. You feel relieved that someone would be willing to help without placing any conditions on the request. Then, you know they will take care of you and the situation.
3) Love grows from trust. Any relationship, romantic or platonic, needs trust to be successful. When you know you can trust the other person, your fears and worries diminish. In addition, you feel confident and relaxed.
Life Lesson: Not everyone can be trusted, but you won’t know who you can trust and how much you can love until you ask for help!
I’m still a work in progress, but I believe being true to my personal struggles makes me a better therapist. People are complex and life isn’t easy. Everyone has to figure out their path. This is the current focus on my journey. Hopefully, a future filled with love and happiness will be at the end of the path :)
1) Others are able to show how much they care about you. People, by nature, want to be able to help others. If you allow someone to help you, they are fulfilled by being a good friend.
2) Safety and security. After you ask for help, a person either hesitates to help or eagerly agrees to help. You feel relieved that someone would be willing to help without placing any conditions on the request. Then, you know they will take care of you and the situation.
3) Love grows from trust. Any relationship, romantic or platonic, needs trust to be successful. When you know you can trust the other person, your fears and worries diminish. In addition, you feel confident and relaxed.
Life Lesson: Not everyone can be trusted, but you won’t know who you can trust and how much you can love until you ask for help!
I’m still a work in progress, but I believe being true to my personal struggles makes me a better therapist. People are complex and life isn’t easy. Everyone has to figure out their path. This is the current focus on my journey. Hopefully, a future filled with love and happiness will be at the end of the path :)
Bree Winkler is a therapist in Atlanta, GA. Visit her website to learn more and to set up an appointment @ www.PrivateCounselingGA.com
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