Have you dismissed someone's idea or opinion because you KNOW you are right? Sure, we all have. Sometimes, there is a right answer: 2 + 2 (always) = 4. But other times, more than one opinion, or perspective, can also be correct: What color is the sky? Answers vary.
Grand Canyon: See the river? See the blue dot? That is an opened umbrella between the top and the river. Looks different from distance, than holding it, right? It's still an umbrella.
So, why is it human nature to need to be right? What reward does it give the individual?
The id operates on the pleasure principle (Freud, 1920) which is the idea that every wishful impulse should be satisfied immediately, regardless of the consequences. When the id achieves its demands we experience pleasure, when it is denied we experience ‘unpleasure’ or tension.
So, the id drives you to "need" to be right. Being right creates pleasure within your brain; being wrong, or told you are wrong, creates tension. People want to be happy.
That is wonderful… as long as you are always right. But, in relationships (romantic, marital, friendship, colleagues, familial, or acquaintances), you won’t always be right. The dilemma is: is your goal to be right or is your goal to be happy? Can you be wrong, or have a differing opinion, and still be happy? One option is PERSPECTIVE. Perspective is “the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship.” (Dictionary.com)
So, the id drives you to "need" to be right. Being right creates pleasure within your brain; being wrong, or told you are wrong, creates tension. People want to be happy.
That is wonderful… as long as you are always right. But, in relationships (romantic, marital, friendship, colleagues, familial, or acquaintances), you won’t always be right. The dilemma is: is your goal to be right or is your goal to be happy? Can you be wrong, or have a differing opinion, and still be happy? One option is PERSPECTIVE. Perspective is “the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship.” (Dictionary.com)
I like to think of perspective as putting myself in someone else’s shoes. Read: is there another way to think about this situation? Often, there is more than one approach, thought, idea, feeling, or plan associated with each situation. If I’m stuck believing I have to be right, then I am shutoff from seeing other ways to view the situation. I would also be refusing to believe that more than one perspective can be correct or valid. What does an individual gain by being closed minded or having tunnel vision on life’s experiences? In my opinion (my perspective – ha!), nothing! Why would an individual want to be rigid in thought? Is that person scared of other’s opinions?
In therapy, the counselor helps individuals explore their thoughts, including any fears or mental blocks to change. The mind is a powerful tool. It can be extremely difficult to change your thoughts on your own. With help and guidance from a licensed professional counselor, a client can feel safe sharing their thoughts and feelings. Ultimately, the client (you, perhaps?) can open their mind to seeing other people’s perspectives. Being ‘right’ might not always occur, but being happy can be continuous because you are eager to understand others. The id is pleased when you are satisfied; if your goal is to understand others, you can be happy with what you learn. When you are open to other people’s opinions, you are engaging in healthy, happy interpersonal relationships.
Therefore, my perspective is… choose happiness in understanding over being right :)
Therefore, my perspective is… choose happiness in understanding over being right :)
Do you need help understanding your thoughts and how they affect your relationships? Contact Bree today to schedule an initial counseling session. Bree Winkler is a licensed professional counselor (LPC) in Atlanta, GA.
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