Have you ever faced a crossroads? You know a decision must be met, but you stare at your options without movement. You want to make a choice. You can make a choice. You know your options. You’ve weighed the pros and cons. But, still, the decision is tough to commit to, to finalize, to put into action. Does this sound familiar to you? It sure resonates with me!
Why are decisions so difficult to make?
Why are decisions so difficult to make?
The answer is complex. It is complex because many factors contribute to the process.
1) Overcoming Fear
1) Overcoming Fear
- “I’m not afraid!” you say. Then, what’s the problem?
- Fear is paralyzing. You can function well in every area except the one where the decision needs to be made. For example, if you are thinking about buying a house, all of the elements of house hunting, loans, moving expenses, decorating, etc can be too overwhelming. However, you are still able to make decisions about other things: what to eat, what to wear, etc.
- Thoughts and Beliefs create your fear. Wait! What? Am I telling you that you are causing your own fear? Well, yes. Take the house buying example – people buy and sell houses every day. It is a big decision, but decisions are made every day… Every Day. That means many people make this big decision, they overcome their fears (i.e. higher mortgage, moving, new neighbors, committing to 30+ years in one place, the list goes on). How do they do this? They tell themselves (thoughts) “I can handle this; I can afford this; this is a good decision for me.” Now, that person feels secure, motivated, excited, determined, content.
- Change your Thoughts. Now it is time for you to overcome your fears. Let’s change your internal dialogue. What are you saying to yourself that is causing this fear? Are you saying something like “This might be a bad idea.” Or “What if I fail?” Or “I could get hurt or embarrassed.” Or “____” (fill in the blank).
- Believe in your Research. You weighed out the pros and cons, right? If you were giving advice to another person, would this decision be a good idea? If yes, then change those negative, debilitating thoughts into positive and productive. Flip the above thoughts to “This is a good idea because ___.” Or “What if I succeed?” Or “I will be proud of myself.” Or “____! :)”
- Tell Yourself how you FEEL now. You’ve changed your thoughts, your outlook (based on facts and research and experience). What are your current feelings? Is it fear? It’s not?!? That’s awesome!
2) Vulnerability
- Change in attitude. You are now feeling confident. And, you should be! You are feeling good about the decision you are about to make.
- Putting yourself out there. Whoa! That sounds raw. And scary! Is it scary, yes. Is that a reason to quit or avoid or withdrawal? NO! Every amazing experience came from being vulnerable – love, friendship, college, traveling, public speaking, interviews/job. Change doesn’t happen without vulnerability and effort.
- Worst case scenario. The decision you make doesn’t work out. You must try again. Does that suck – yup! But, it is not the end of the world. You will recover from the disappointment. You didn’t lose; instead, you learned! How amazing is that?!?
3) When?
- Now. You are ready if you have analyzed the situation, the costs, the needs, and the toll on you AND you are ready to be vulnerable. You know fear has been your crutch, holding you back. But, no more! You have talked to yourself positively; you CAN do this. You are ready!
- Later. You are ready if you have analyzed the situation, the costs, the needs, and the toll on you BUT you are not ready to be vulnerable and your fears are still great. This is not failure. You are still learning about yourself and this particular decision.
- Slowly. You are ready if you have analyzed the situation, the costs, the needs, and the toll on you SO you make small steps towards the decision; actionable things to be proud of. During this process, you continue to change your internal dialogue to positive and productive. You also feel less vulnerable because it is not all-or-nothing. Ultimately, you get to the final decision; you are vulnerable and raw in the process, but it happens so naturally you forget it was even a concern.
4) Decision-Making Steps
- Number 1. Identify the problem that needs to be solved (check)
- Number 2. Research options, gain information, analyze (check)
- Number 3: Determine pros and cons of each option (check)
- Number 4: Choose the best option for you (you CAN do this!)
- Number 5: Evaluate and make adjustments, as needed (not a setback, just another life experience)
- Number 6: Enjoy! (this isn’t officially a decision- making step, but it should be)
Change is the only guarantee in life (besides death – that is a much different topic). Embracing the process of change and effective decision-making is key to handling the ups and downs of life. Don’t be the person or thought that holds yourself back! Change and decision making are needed in personal and professional lives. Be open to more and enjoy the process!
Bree Winkler LPC is a licensed professional Counselor in Atlanta, GA. Bree helps clients with mental health issues that cause pain and problems in their personal lives. Contact Bree to schedule an initial counseling session.
Bree Winkler LPC is a licensed professional Counselor in Atlanta, GA. Bree helps clients with mental health issues that cause pain and problems in their personal lives. Contact Bree to schedule an initial counseling session.
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