How Do you Measure Yourself?

​The comparison trap is everywhere: media, magazines, Instagram, Facebook, school, work, church, friends, family, strangers, shopping… everywhere. Immature people (adults or teens) try to provoke insecurity and arguments between people. FOMO (aka fear of missing out) drives some people to interact artificially or feel insignificant. People in relationships sometimes crave the independence and flexibility of singles; whereas, singles long for the connection and closeness of being in a committed relationship. As the old saying goes: “The grass is always greener on the other side.” 

This is a horrible state to remain in! You aren’t others! You are you! YOU are ah-mazing!! 

​However, you cannot believe this, live this, remember this… unless you stop measuring yourself against other people. Are other people spectacular and creative and wonderful? Yes – of course! The wonderful fact is that other people’s greatness does NOT take away from your uniqueness! 

We, as humans, forget this easily for many (possible) reasons:

• Someone important in your life has told you that you are ‘less than’ or ‘not worthy’
• Someone important in your life has implied that you are ‘less than’ or ‘not worthy’
• Someone (who shouldn’t be important in your life) has told you repeatedly that you are not wonderful
• You have experienced dysfunction in your personal life and think it is the norm
• You have experienced trauma and have not healed from it (contact Bree today for help)
• No one encouraged you to find a purpose and pursue it, so you didn’t
• You were bullied (or are being bullied)
• You struggle to focus on the good; instead you assume the worst and/or fixate on the problematic
• You compare yourself to others and always tell yourself that you ‘are not good enough’

 
If you can relate to any of the reasons above, you have fallen into the comparison trap!
                          You CANNOT WIN if you compare yourself to others! 

So, if judging yourself against others is not the best plan, what should you do?? You should set your own personal metrics based on your values and goals. Ask yourself:

What are my goals? Not, what will make others accept/appreciate/respect/love me?

How do I know if an accomplishment is valid? Not, accomplishment comes from external validation.

What am I passionate about? Not, it’s only ‘cool’ to do what the popular people do and copy their goals.

Am I reaching for my dreams? Not, someone tell me what do believe in or reach for.

What makes my family special? Not, do you like them (say yes, pretty please)?

Why are friends important to me and how am I nurturing those friendships? Not, what can my ‘friends’ do for me?
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What will make me feel purposeful each day at my job and what are my long-term employment goals? Not, working is the worst because it is nothing important or valuable to me and I dread it, but I make a lot of money and/or have a lot of power/prestige. 

​      Did you notice that each question included ‘I’?
That is purposeful. You should choose to measure yourself against YOUR own metrics. (Read: judge yourself against your own goals and desires.) 

​It can feel impossible to do this on your own if your ingrained, negative, core belief is different versions of ‘unworthy.’ Help is available! 

Author

Bree Winkler is a licensed professional counseling near Atlanta, GA. Bree works with adults and adolescents who struggle with anxiety, depression, anger, or relationship issues. Contact Bree today to schedule your initial appointment.