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www.PrivateCounselingGA.com Private Counseling provides mental health therapy and counseling services to adults and adolescents in Atlanta, GA.

Daily Help for Managing Depression

8/3/2019

Millions of people live with depression everyday. It can feel, among other things, lonely and isolating. It can be overwhelming to determine how or where to receive help. It is helpful to have a plan for each day to work towards, so you don't have to spend too much energy trying to think about what to do. Start with this daily checklist to manage your accomplishments and see your progress.

You can start with this checklist or use it as a template for yourself. As your symptoms decrease and you have improved ability to manage your illness, you can modify the checklist to fit your needs. Depression management and self-care is an ongoing process, but it is possible!

If you need help with your depression (or anxiety, anger, and/or relationship issues), contact Bree today to schedule your initial session. Quality help IS available!

Mental Health Check-In

7/10/2019

Being cognizant of your mental health daily, preferably each moment, is mental health awareness (#mentalhealthawareness).

Pause.

Assess by asking yourself:

How do I feel right now?
How am I speaking to myself?
What am I doing that is good for myself?
What can I do differently to feel better/healthier right now?
Who can I lean on for support?

The answers to these questions give you the opportunity to be completely in tune with how you are feeling and how that is impacting your actions and choices.

Reflect on these questions:

When am I most likely to make poor decisions?
What situations cause me to experience negative thoughts?
How do I handle emotional pain?
Do I need help making different choices or responding differently (especially to stressful situations)?

Often, clients tell me they don’t want to burden their family or friends with their issues. Therefore, they keep their pain inside. When we bury our pain, it grows in our minds but manifests externally in destructive ways (such as over/under eating, isolation, excessive sleeping, lack of participation in enjoyable hobbies, yelling or arguing with others, violence, excessive drinking, drug usage, suicidal ideation – just to name a few examples).

It can be difficult to ask for help (from a professional counselor or from family/friends), but people are not supposed to live in isolation! Most people want to help other. Surrounding yourself with quality help and support is a necessary part of a healthy mental health journey. If you need help with anxiety, depression, anger, and/or relationship issues, contact Bree today for your free phone consultation before we schedule your initial session.

Living the Life You Truly Desire

6/9/2019

Turn on the TV, look at social media, or overhear conversations at work and you will be inundated with negativity, fear, danger, and concerns. It’s not realistic to live in a bubble (although, sometimes that seems like a nice option). It can be easy to get drawn into the daily “crises” of life. However, if you live each day as a crisis, you will live each day with fear, failure, and fatigue.

Resilience is rebounding from pain and danger (actual or perceived). We need resilience to build confidence and self-esteem. When we face difficult situations, we become stronger by experiencing it (instead of running away from it) and learning from it. This process allows us to believe in our ability to handle other, difficult situations in the future.

I was recently introduced to a new parenting term: Lawnmower Parent. This type of parent is someone who believes they must “mow” down the path of difficulty for their child to succeed. I worked as a middle school counselor for 14 years and saw many parents “advocating” excessively for their children. For example, arguing and disputing assignments where their child received a less-than-acceptable grade; complaining to principal about said teacher; posting online/complaining to other parents about teachers; getting a educational diagnosis for extended time on tests so their child has more time to get a higher score; begging teachers for extensions on projects because their child procrastinated or forgot; leaving work to bring their child an assignment they forgot to avoid a reduced grade for late work (just to name a few!).

How are these children going to be able to learn to be resilient if they don’t experience any obstacles to overcome? Do you want your child (or yourself) to be so scared of failure, of not being “perfect”, that you: Don’t set high goals? Don’t try to reach your dreams? Don’t allow yourself to feel the pride of recovering from pain?

There are some simple, daily activities you can practice to help you reframe how you approach life.

1. Mantra – This is the practice of repeating a phrase. For counseling, choosing a phrase that is meaningful, positive, and centers you on a healthy focus.

For example: “I am capable.” “I can handle this.” “Feelings are temporary.” “This pain will pass – breathe.” “Breathe in strength (or other positive concept). Breathe out fear (or other negative concept that is holding you back).”

2. Visualization – This is the practice of actively imagining a positive outcome. For counseling, you can visualize a calming place if you are experience stress, visualize accomplishing a goal, visualize preparing to successfully handle a difficult conversation or experience.

Calming place example: The beach. Close your eyes and picture the sight of the waves rolling in, of the sun setting with pretty red and orange colors. Imagine the sounds or the waves crashing, the birds chirping, the people laughing/playing. Smell the salt water. Feel the hot sand beneath your toes, the sun touching your skin.
Goal Accomplishment example: What is the end result for your goal? What does this look like? What will it feel like to get to this goal? How will you reward yourself for staying focused on this goal?
Communication/Anxiety example: First, remind yourself it is often more stressful to worry about what “might” happen. Meaning, the actual experience is usually much less painful than you fear. Therefore, imagine a positive experience; imagine being able to be relaxed and confident; imagine being able to listen and respond to the actual conversation (not the made-up one in your head). Then, breathe and proceed.

3. Daily Positivity – When you wake up each morning, choose to visualize (hope) something good will happen to you or someone you love today. It starts your day on a positive path of looking for goodness in the world!

If you need help understanding, applying, or processing these daily practices, therapy may be beneficial for you.

Author

Bree Winkler is a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta, GA. Bree specializes in helping clients manage anxiety, depression, anger, and relationship issues. Contact Bree today to schedule your initial session.

Harboring Bitterness

5/11/2019

Life is… complicated. So true! If you are lucky, you experience many wonderful moments, develop meaningful relationships, participate in amazing experiences, laugh often, find joy in the day-to-day things, and feel loved. Unfortunately, throughout your life, you will definitely experience some negative moments. These moments might be scary, disappointing, traumatic, abusive, sad, lonely, fearful, and/or painful. Some individuals experience a lifetime of pain and hurt; others have moments of distress or sorrow, but also moments of happiness.

This blog post is for anyone who has been hurt – emotionally. When your feelings have been hurt, that is your truth. How do you recover from that pain? Do you recover from that pain? Or, do you stuff it down deep inside until it seethes into your conscious thoughts randomly (days, weeks, years later)?

If you are one of millions of Americans who struggle with forgiveness, you can probably relate to the experience of having your past hurts become your present pain. This present pain can be even more intense than the original hurt because it is layered with bitterness and anger. Whoa - that’s a lot of damage you are doing to yourself!

Don’t let the person(s) who hurt you continue to control your mind and your life!

How to Forgive

First, be open to the concept of forgiveness. (let that sink in)

Second, understand that forgiveness is NOT for the person who has hurt you (through rejection, insults, disrespect, being fake, lying, sharing secrets, breaking trust, lack of care for your well-being, and so much more).

Third, change your definition of forgiveness to the following:

Forgiveness is about refusing to replay past hurts in your mind over and over again, like a broken record.
Forgiveness is about freeing up and putting to better use the energy that is being consumed by holding on to grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing old wounds.
Forgiveness is about moving on.
Forgiveness is about choosing serenity and happiness over righteous anger.
Forgiveness is about realizing that anger and resentment don’t serve you well.
Forgiveness is about giving yourself a clean slate.

Finally, empower yourself to keep your mind focused on healing by practicing (one or more of) the following options:

Mantra – a short phrase. For example, “I can let go of the past hurt and embrace the present contentment.”
Meditation – calmly breathing in and out while clearing your mind of negative or racing thoughts.
Reframe – Shift your current (negative) thoughts to more positive, productive thoughts. For example: If your original thought is “I can’t get over this; I wish I could get revenge” then your reframe thought could be “I have control of my thoughts; I will not let this experience continue to hurt me today and into my future. I will let go of negative thoughts so I can let go of the past pain.”
Gratitude – expression of things you are thankful for, including things you have survived.
Prayer – asking for help from a higher power. Consider using these scriptures to help you:
- For if you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. (Matthew 6:14)
- Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
- Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:21)
Positive Self-Talk – reminders you say to yourself with kindness. For example: “I am strong because I survived this abuse!” or “I feel sad and disappointed, but this is temporary and I will be okay.”
Communicate – share your experiences and feelings with someone you trust. Process the situation. Cry if you need to. Remember you aren’t alone and people do care for you.

Through forgiveness, you will be able to:

Live your best life today!
Release tension in your muscles
Think more clearly

If you need to help with healing from hurt (regardless if it is small or large), contact Bree today for professional counseling help.

Author

Bree Winkler is a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta, GA. Bree specializes in helping clients manage anxiety, depression, anger, and relationship issues. Contact Bree today to schedule your initial session.

Mindful Blog – Be Balanced

4/8/2019

Welcome back to the weekly blog from Private Counseling dedicated to Mindfulness!

-- Quick Recap --
Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.
Myth: Mindfulness = completely clearing your mind of any thoughts, breathing calmly, and being peaceful.
Truth: There are MANY ways to be mindful! I hope it is a relief for you to realize that you don’t have to empty your mind (because that can be almost impossible). We will focus on 6 categories of Mindfulness (created by Dr. Elisha Goldstein) – 1) Being Calm 2) Being in the Here and Now 3) Being Good to Yourself 4) Being Happy 5) Being Kind 6) Being Balanced

This week’s goal is to Be Balanced:
by Growing into Life

Pause and notice the moments when you believe you simply cannot do something (such as run farther, lift more weight, be patient, trust someone, ask for a raise, move to a new home or city, stick to a budget, change a bad habit, try a new hobby, etc).

You might be thinking, “I tried this before and I’m just not capable of doing it well.”

Shifting your thoughts allows you to expand your perspective and grow! Can you ask yourself this instead, “Is there another way I can look at this? Could this be an opportunity instead of a setback?”

Goal: Be kind to yourself through balance, perspective, and patience.

To make positive changes and achieve mental health balance, ask yourself, “What do I need right now? What can I do to believe in myself in this moment?”

Author

Bree Winkler is a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta, GA. Bree specializes in helping clients manage anxiety, depression, anger, and relationship issues. Contact Bree today to schedule your initial session.

Mindful Blog – Be Good to Yourself

4/8/2019

Welcome back to the weekly blog from Private Counseling dedicated to Mindfulness!

-- Quick Recap --
Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.
Myth: Mindfulness = completely clearing your mind of any thoughts, breathing calmly, and being peaceful.
Truth: There are MANY ways to be mindful! I hope it is a relief for you to realize that you don’t have to empty your mind (because that can be almost impossible). We will focus on 6 categories of Mindfulness (created by Dr. Elisha Goldstein) – 1) Being Calm 2) Being in the Here and Now 3) Being Good to Yourself 4) Being Happy 5) Being Kind 6) Being Balanced

This week’s goal is to Be Good to Yourself: by Showing Myself Compassion

Self-compassion is:

Recognizing that your perception is causing you to feel inadequate, feel like a failure, or allowing you to sit in suffering
Acknowledging the difficulty you are having is temporary
Understanding that we are not really alone in our suffering
Supporting ourselves in that moment

In a difficult moment, you can practice self-compassion by:

Placing a soothing hand on your heart
Reaching out to a supportive friend
Doing something kind for yourself (such as taking a hot bubble bath, enjoying the breeze outside, reading something interesting, closing your eyes for a few minutes just to listen and breathe, or list your daily gratitude)

If you need help being good to yourself and utilizing effective strategies for self-care and compassion, therapy is a healthy option.

Author

Bree Winkler is a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta, GA. Bree specializes in helping clients manage anxiety, depression, anger, and relationship issues. Contact Bree today to schedule your initial session.

Mindful Blog – Be Balanced

4/5/2019

Welcome back to the weekly blog from Private Counseling dedicated to Mindfulness!

-- Quick Recap --
Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.
Myth: Mindfulness = completely clearing your mind of any thoughts, breathing calmly, and being peaceful.
Truth: There are MANY ways to be mindful! I hope it is a relief for you to realize that you don’t have to empty your mind (because that can be almost impossible). We will focus on 6 categories of Mindfulness (created by Dr. Elisha Goldstein) – 1) Being Calm 2) Being in the Here and Now 3) Being Good to Yourself 4) Being Happy 5) Being Kind 6) Being Balanced

This week’s goal is to Be Balanced: by
Acknowledging your Wise Self

Imagine yourself many years from now. Imagine you are looking back at your present self.
What advice might your older (and maybe wiser) self give you?
Perhaps your wise self would point out that you have important and precious things in the present that you are currently ignoring?
What is here in the present that may not be here later on?
Examples: Perhaps you are stressed about work; however, your future (wise) self might tell you to release the tension and focus on what’s going well. Or, perhaps your future (wise) self would remind you that your children are going to grow up quickly and encourage you to savor your time with them now.
Write down what your wise self is telling you to focus on now.
Practice paying attention to this sage advice daily.

Author

Bree Winkler is a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta, GA. Bree specializes in helping clients manage anxiety, depression, anger, and relationship issues. Contact Bree today to schedule your initial session.

Mindful Blog – Be Happy

3/22/2019

Welcome back to the weekly blog from Private Counseling dedicated to Mindfulness!

-- Quick Recap --
Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.

Myth: Mindfulness = completely clearing your mind of any thoughts, breathing calmly, and being peaceful.

Truth: There are MANY ways to be mindful!
I hope it is a relief for you to realize that you don’t have to empty your mind (because that can be almost impossible). We will focus on 6 categories of Mindfulness (created by Dr. Elisha Goldstein) – 1) Being Calm 2) Being in the Here and Now 3) Being Good to Yourself 4) Being Happy 5) Being Kind 6) Being Balanced

This week’s goal is to Be Happy: by Utilizing the Power of Gratitude

Practicing gratitude is a very effective way to nurture positive states of mind.

Being thankful – intentionally and wholeheartedly – can activate the left prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain associated with positive emotion. What we practice becomes automatic. Consistency makes a habit.

Automatic gratitude = ongoing happiness.

Tips and Ideas:

Make an alert on your phone to write out 5 things you are grateful for each night.
Reframe a negative to a positive. For example, if your car has some issues and needs an expensive repair (and you DO have money in your emergency fund), instead of complaining, reframe with “I am grateful that I have the money to fix my car and continue to drive where I need to go.”
Take a moment right now and have fun writing to three people about what you appreciate about them. Imagine their smiles when they receive those warm messages. Send these notes or share in person.
Keep a journal or notes on your phone with ideas on how to express gratitude for health, family, friends, job, food, shelter, and first-world extras.

Author

Bree Winkler is a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta, GA. Bree specializes in helping clients manage anxiety, depression, anger, and relationship issues. Contact Bree today to schedule your initial session.

Mindful Blog – Be Good to Yourself

3/16/2019

Welcome to the beginning of a weekly blog dedicated to Mindfulness!

Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.

Myth: Mindfulness = completely clearing your mind of any thoughts, breathing calmly, and being peaceful.

Truth: There are MANY ways to be mindful! I hope it is a relief for you to realize that you don’t have to empty your mind (because that can be almost impossible). We will focus on 6 categories of Mindfulness (created by Dr. Elisha Goldstein) – 1) Being Calm 2) Being in the Here and Now 3) Being Good to Yourself 4) Being Happy 5) Being Kind 6) Being Balanced

This week’s goal is to Be Good to Yourself:

During a difficult experience, give yourself a chance to feel SAFE

Soften into what you’re feeling. Breathing in, open to the feeling. Breathing out, soften around it. Softening includes relaxing your muscles, releasing tension, calming your breathing, acknowledging all thoughts and feelings to occur.

Allow the feeling to be as it is, without resisting or clinging to it. Don’t try to rationalize, justify, or correct the thought or feeling. (continue breathing in/out with awareness slowly)

Feel into the emotion with kind attention. Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” If you know what you need, send it to yourself. For example, say, “May I know that I am loved.” If you don’t know what you need, continue to breathe and be open to new ideas.

Expand awareness to all the people around the world who are feeling the same way right now. Take what you need and send it outward, saying, “May we all know that we are loved.” Repeat this mantra each time you need a helpful reminder.

During this process, you will feel begin to feel calmer, in both your mind and body. Repeat regularly.

Author

Bree Winkler is a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta, GA. Bree specializes in helping clients manage anxiety, depression, anger, and relationship issues. Contact Bree today to schedule your initial session.

Am I crazy? Or are You trying to make me think I’m crazy??

3/10/2019

I believe we’ve all had moments where we question our own sanity. Maybe it is when you make a big purchase impulsively. Maybe it is when you decide to have your first (or fifth) child. Perhaps it is when you decide to make a career change and/or move to another city. It can feel “crazy” to fall in love, to try skydiving or bungy-jumping, sing karaoke, dance like no one is watching, or hundreds of other small or big scary, exciting, risky, new things. Your sanity is probably also challenged when you continue to make the same decision over and over again, even though you are experiencing disastrous results.

Life needs some “crazy” to feel alive, purposeful, energized; to feel like you are truly living!

The negative stereotype of crazy is: foolish, stupid, bizarre, weird, irrational, ridiculous, eccentric, or odd. Most people don’t want to be judged or insulted. Sometimes, this makes a person conform to societal norms; sometimes it allows someone to choose to limit their time around the types of people who are mean and/or manipulative. As a counselor, I encourage clients to be the best version of themselves and also to set boundaries so clients are not pulled into unhealthy relationships.

Unhealthy relationships can occur in a variety of ways. If your relationship is healthy, you are able to be self-aware and possibly ask yourself “I’m I crazy for pursuing this passion project (despite having the resources)?” If your relationship is unhealthy, you may find yourself asking “I told my boy/girlfriend about my new project idea but he/she said they are happy for me, but then asked if I think I can really follow this through and be successful. I’m so confused.”

gas·light (verb): to attempt to make (someone) believe that he or she is going insane (as by subjecting that person to a series of experiences that have no rational explanation) [or] To manipulate events and situations in order to make a person believe that he or she is crazy.

Gaslighting, which is a type of manipulation, occurs over time. The manipulator wants to gain your trust before he/she knocks you down. If you miss the early warning signs, you may be sucked in too deep to believe you can get out of the relationship as things get worse.

Recently, I caught someone in a lie, so I asked him about it. He responded aggressively and defensively. He never took responsibility or admitted fault. He insulted me by stating “I guess I now know your type of crazy!” The statement was meant to make me realize I was wrong for questioning his poor behavior and character. His goal was for me to apologize. Even as a therapist with healthy boundaries, this accusation hurt my feelings. I needed a few moments to digest and process. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that (in this situation) that he was “trying to make me think I’m crazy” *not* “I am crazy.”

Here are the main differences:

Acting Crazy = need for more self-awareness, accepting responsibility, showing kindness and care, implementing humility, showing empathy, utilizing healthy coping skills, applying constructive decision-making skills

Tricked into feeling Crazy = realization that this is about the other person, not you! You cannot communicate with a manipulator the same way you can with a rational, reasonable person. Protect yourself first and avoid falling for their harmful tricks.

Additional signs you may be being gaslighted:

1. Withholding: Your partner pretends not to understand you or flat out refuses to listen to you. He or she might say things like “I don’t want to hear this again.”
2. Countering: Your partner questions your memory, even if you’re sure you know what happened. They say “You’re wrong, you never remember things correctly,” or “You’re imagining things, that never happened.”
3. Blocking/Diverting: Your partner changes the subject to silence you or questions how you’re feeling, saying things like “Is that another crazy idea you got from your (friend/family member)?”
4. Trivializing: Your partner makes your needs or feelings seem unimportant, constantly telling you that you’re too sensitive, or that “You’re going to get angry over a little thing like that?”
5. Forgetting/Denying: Your partner pretends to have forgotten what really happened, or flat out denies promises he or she made to you. He/she will say things like, “I don’t know what you’re talking about” or “You’re just making things up.”

If these statements resonate with you, seek help from a professional and your trusted family/friends.

Are constantly second-guessing yourself.
Start to question if you are too sensitive.
Often feel confused and have a hard time making simple decisions.
Find yourself constantly apologizing.
Can’t understand why you’re so unhappy.
Often make excuses for your partner’s behavior.
Feel like you can’t do anything right.
Often feel like you aren’t good enough for others.
Have the sense that you used to be a more confident, relaxed and happy person.
Withhold information from friends and family so you don’t have to explain things.

Addressing the Problem/Tips

Remember, your opinions, feelings and perceptions matter. You have a voice and you have a right to be heard, without ridicule.

Stand your ground, no matter what. The manipulator wants you to give in and give up.

Don’t doubt yourself or your ability to correctly remember what has occurred. If it helps, keep a journal of events. Documenting helps, especially if you need to prove your case before a judge.

Your feelings matter! Your feelings should be validated. If your partner repeatedly dismisses or trivializes your feelings, they are, in essence, treating you like a child.

Do NOT second-guess yourself. Recognize that the problem is with them, not with you.

Author

Bree Winkler LPC is a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta, GA. Bree specializes in helping clients manage anxiety, depression, anger, and relationship issues. Contact Bree today to determine if she is the best fit for your mental health needs.

www.PrivateCounselingGA.com Private Counseling provides mental health therapy and counseling services to adults and adolescents in Atlanta, GA.